As always, it's the end of the world...

After the all the Rapture nonsense back in May, I almost feel a little dirty for bringing up Harold Camping again, but he's back in the news and I've nothing better to do, so here we go. As everyone no doubt remembers, Harold Camping and his Family Radio ministry spent the first half of the year burying the entire free world under a thick wallpapering of billboards proclaiming that the end of the world would take place on the 21st of May by way of a literally earth-shattering global earthquake. Many of Camping's followers quit their jobs and sold off most of their possessions in preparations for the Rapture, the bodily transportation to heaven expected by some Christian denominations.

Needless to say, this didn't happen.

Naturally Camping admitted his error, meekly begged forgiveness from his followers, and opened up his own coffers to help support the now-destitute members of his group.

Wait, no, that didn't happen either.

You see, as a card-carrying doomsday prophet, Harold Camping has essentially signed a blood oath to never admit that he's wrong, so instead he claimed that when he said that Judgment Day would take place on May 21st via a worldwide catastrophe, he actually meant that a "spiritual" Judgment Day with no visible or measurable consequences would take place. Makes sense, right?

In any event, he pushed back the actual end of the world to today, October 21st, 2011. That's a devastating date for the apocalypse if you're a gamer, since it means that we'd be denied the release of Battlefield 3 by four measly days, but thus far the planet doesn't seem to have exploded, nor has Jesus rung my doorbell and kicked me in the crotch when I answered.

Always kinda figured I'd go out like this...

In any event, I'll be curious to hear what Camping has to say when we all wake up in the morning. I suspect that there'll be more talk of "spiritual judgment" and undetectable Armageddon. Maybe he'll at least have the courtesy to push the inevitable next date for the Rapture back to December 21st, 2012 so that we can kill two nonsense birds with one stone that day

Rapture, Crapture...

Wow, I apparently haven't posted on the blog in like 6 weeks. Sorry. I've been playing a ridiculous amount of Mortal Kombat really busy with work lately and just haven't had time to sit down with the laptop for more than five minutes at a clip.¹ In any event, it has come to my attention (thanks to about a dozen billboards I pass going to work every morning) that the end of the world is tomorrow. Lame.

We actually discussed these May 21st Rapture folks on here earlier in the year, but to my surprise they've not only failed to go away, but they've attracted a fair amount of media attention.² I suppose this comes from a combination of the nearness of the appointed date and the ubiquity of the billboards crowing about it, but I've nonetheless been pretty surprised by the level of buzz that's been generated around this. A couple of my friends from work have even asked me about it, specifically because they want to know "how we know it's not true".

Because we're adults...?

The only real question is how the folks over at We Can Know are going to react when the earth isn't torn asunder by a cataclysmic earthquake Saturday evening. They're already hedging their bets a bit by claiming that, in fact, tomorrow will only be the beginning of the end of the world and that the earth won't actually be destroyed until October. History teaches us that some combination of the following three things is likely to occur:

1. The True Believers^TM will claim that their math was off and that the end of the world is actually coming later.
   
2. The True Believers^TM will seize upon any even slightly unusual happening in the news tomorrow and swear that it represents a subtle start to the End of Days. This one won't be too easy in this case, since these folks are calling for the actual Rapture - that is, the bodily ascension of the faithful into the sky. There's not too many ways that could happen inconspicuously.
3. The True Believers^TM will announce that through their prayers and faith, the End of the World has been forestalled so that more of us filthy, unsaved heathens will have a chance to come into the fold before Armageddon.

If I were a betting man, I'd say that number 2 up there is probably the most likely. I suppose we'll find out tomorrow evening.

Oh, and if you were wondering, these folks who claim the world is ending in 27 hours are still accepting donations.



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1.) I'm especially sorry for all the folks (all three of you) who've had comments awaiting moderation for a month. The moderation is really there to filter out spam and that Dennis Markuze guy, but if I'm not regularly posting on the blog I don't think to log in and check the comments queue.

2.) Over the years we've also met this guy, this guy, this guy, and these yahoos. We've also watched a bunch of Rapture films made in the 1940s and talking about how the end was imminent 70 years ago.

Once Again, the End of the World...

It must be the new year, because all of the end-of-the-world weirdos have come out of the woodwork yet again. (Not that they ever really go away, but they get a lot more press this time of year.) By now you know all the various schticks: The mayan calendar, aliens, Jesus, polar shifts...at any given time someone is espousing some kind of end-of-the-world goobledy-gook.

MSNBC is running a story today about yet another group of Rapture believers, folks who believe that the righteous will be bodily teleported to Heaven at the, er, beginning of the end of the world. Yeah, we've been down this road a time or two already, but at least the folks over at WeCanKnow.com have the decency to throw out a concrete date for the Rapture: May 21st of this year.

Worst. Saturday. Ever.

Of course, if the world's going to end in five months, I have to wonder why these guys are still accepting donations...

Once Again, the End is Nigh...

I've largely stopped posting about goofy end-of-the-world junk on here because, well, there's just so freaking much of it and it's really all pretty much the same. That being said, this website gets special mention because it makes a very specific and verifiable claim: The world will end by this coming Monday, the 14th of December.¹ PZ Myers has already mocked this fellow unmercifully, but at least he's provided us with a real timetable. I'm certain that come Tuesday morning our fearful friend will post a lengthy retraction and apologize for his muddled thinking...

No, wait, he'll probably just push the date back a couple of months and make some excuses about why he was wrong.

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1.) It also has a six-part, hour-long video featuring three preachers (all of whom sound half-asleep) going on and on about their wild biblical imaginings. Watching too much of it at once may cause brain damage.

The End is Nigh...Again....

Youtube (and Above Top Secret) user DanielsMagi apparently thinks that the world is going to end sometime soon, during a mythical month called either "Septmember" or "Septemeber". He/she/they has joined an illustrious list of dinguses (Holy crap, Firefox recognizes that as a word!) throughout history who have forgotten that the end of the world spoken of in the Bible was expected to have occurred back then. He also seems to forget that there are, to use a scientific term, assloads of eclipses and thus that noting that "holy crap, there's going be a solar and a lunar eclipse next month" means smeg because that same situation has popped up repeatedly throughout all of history. Also of hilarious note is that he links to a freakin' Youtube video as "scientific proof of the star of Bethlehem".

I rather suspect that September (which I assume is what he means by "Septemeber") will come and go as always, with nothing more unusual than the beginning of the third season of Dexter to show for it. Come October 1st, if by some far off chance I remember to do so, I'm going to PM our friend on Youtube and ask why the world didn't end. I rather suspect that he's already got an excuse in mind, since he's already posted a Youtube comment to the effect that he's not actually sure the world will end this month, but rather that he's just posting his crazy video in case the Rapture happens so we wicked heathens will have the answer and not be swayed by Anti-Christ's excuses about aliens...or something. You know, because DanielsMagi will be in Heaven and thus won't be around to explain it to us poor suffering souls.

In any event, let's enjoy September (and Dexter) and, come October, we'll see what our friend has to say for himself. In the meantime I recommend digging around in the Youtube comments for the video to watch the Rapture-believing and non-Rapture-believing folks argue or passing the time by reading this always timely list of failed end of the world predictions from James Randi.

A New Business Model...?

Are you worried that you might be left behind to face tribulation when the Rapture comes? I'm not either, but maybe you know someone who is. Apparently that whole scene is a major concern for a fairly large chunk of Americans. A couple of quick Google searches indicate that a lot of Christians are afraid that they're not actually saved - that is to say, they're afraid they only "think" they're gonna go to heaven and that when the end of the world arrives Jesus is actually gonna wallop them with a sack of doorknobs and throw them into hell. Folks are also worried that the same fate awaits their families, as evinced by this article about what to do if your family is hellbound.

Most of this talk revolves around trying to "save" the individual in question (kind of like my one friend's son was trying to do when he plastered one of my books with sticky notes about Ray Comfort.), but there's an emerging trend of just giving up and accepting that your sinful friends and family just won't get Raptured. If only there was a way to say "I told you so" after the fact. Then they might accept Jesus and retroactively get into heaven after Armageddon.

Yeah, if only there was a way...an expensive way...

Oh wait, there is! For a mere pittance of $40 a year You've Been Left Behind will send up to 62 of your friends and family members a nagging message of your own devising after the Rapture. It seems like a risky gambit though. The e-mail messages will only be sent out if 3 of the 5 administrators for the site fail to log in for something like 5 days in a row. Presumably they won't log in because they've been Raptured, but isn't that being pretty optimistic about what percentage of people are going to be Raptured?

Lunatic writer Tim LaHaye estimates that maybe 50% of Americans will be Raptured, but a number of other lunatics disagree, claiming that the number will be much, much smaller. * You've Been Left Behind is premised on the idea that at least 60% of its administrators will be Raptured, but how can believers rest assured that this will happen? What if none of them get Raptured? Then a whole bunch of believers will be out a ton of cash and their friends won't even know that the world's ended! They'll never get that last soul-saving e-mail, they'll go to hell, and all the righteous folk will be out $40. Poor bastards.

Luckily your old pal Skippy has a solution. As a filthy, stinking atheist, I'm guaranteed not to get Raptured even if it were actually real. Listen up, Bible Believers - for a mere $15 a year I'll keep a list of all of your suspected sinner friends. Then, if I wake up one morning and there's an army of demons marching down the street, I'll send them a "Holy crap, it's real!" e-mail the instant I'm done putting on a clean pair of pants. How could it possibly go wrong?

*My own prediction is that somewhere around 0% of people are going to be Raptured, but that's just me.

The End of the World As We Know It...

I have to confess that there's a certain aesthetic to films from the 40s, 50s, and 60s that I find appealing. I suppose it has a lot to do with the degree of unintentional camp that goes into them. In any event, I get a lot of mileage out of the old public service films from way back when, stuff like Soapy the Germ Fighter and Duck and Cover (Remember, if an atomic bomb goes off next to you, look out for falling glass and cover up with a newspaper!). With that in mind, I was perusing Youtube for that sort of thing yesterday and I made an amusing discovery.

I suppose I shouldn't be surprised that there were also public service films from the 1940s about the Rapture, but there are. They're almost exactly as convincing as all the Rapture films made recently, which is to say that they're extraordinarily hokey. I've embedded one below in two parts. Honestly these aren't a lot of fun to watch, but it's an educational experience to see just how the fundies did their fear-mongering in the years before Tim LaHaye and Kirk Cameron. Enjoy.