Are you worried that you might be left behind to face tribulation when the Rapture comes? I'm not either, but maybe you know someone who is. Apparently that whole scene is a major concern for a fairly large chunk of Americans. A couple of quick Google searches indicate that a lot of Christians are afraid that they're not actually saved - that is to say, they're afraid they only "think" they're gonna go to heaven and that when the end of the world arrives Jesus is actually gonna wallop them with a sack of doorknobs and throw them into hell. Folks are also worried that the same fate awaits their families, as evinced by this article about what to do if your family is hellbound.
Most of this talk revolves around trying to "save" the individual in question (kind of like my one friend's son was trying to do when he plastered one of my books with sticky notes about Ray Comfort.), but there's an emerging trend of just giving up and accepting that your sinful friends and family just won't get Raptured. If only there was a way to say "I told you so" after the fact. Then they might accept Jesus and retroactively get into heaven after Armageddon.
Yeah, if only there was a way...an expensive way...
Oh wait, there is! For a mere pittance of $40 a year You've Been Left Behind will send up to 62 of your friends and family members a nagging message of your own devising after the Rapture. It seems like a risky gambit though. The e-mail messages will only be sent out if 3 of the 5 administrators for the site fail to log in for something like 5 days in a row. Presumably they won't log in because they've been Raptured, but isn't that being pretty optimistic about what percentage of people are going to be Raptured?
Lunatic writer Tim LaHaye estimates that maybe 50% of Americans will be Raptured, but a number of other lunatics disagree, claiming that the number will be much, much smaller. * You've Been Left Behind is premised on the idea that at least 60% of its administrators will be Raptured, but how can believers rest assured that this will happen? What if none of them get Raptured? Then a whole bunch of believers will be out a ton of cash and their friends won't even know that the world's ended! They'll never get that last soul-saving e-mail, they'll go to hell, and all the righteous folk will be out $40. Poor bastards.
Luckily your old pal Skippy has a solution. As a filthy, stinking atheist, I'm guaranteed not to get Raptured even if it were actually real. Listen up, Bible Believers - for a mere $15 a year I'll keep a list of all of your suspected sinner friends. Then, if I wake up one morning and there's an army of demons marching down the street, I'll send them a "Holy crap, it's real!" e-mail the instant I'm done putting on a clean pair of pants. How could it possibly go wrong?
*My own prediction is that somewhere around 0% of people are going to be Raptured, but that's just me.