Of Earthquakes and Kaiju, or The Problem of Metaphysics...

Imagine my surprise when I awoke at 5:45 this morning to find myself in the midst of an earthquake. I live in Kentucky - earthquakes are not common here. Though a fault line runs through the Kentucky, I can't remember the state having an earthquake that was strong enough to actually feel at all during my lifetime. Indeed, imagine my further surprise when I found out that the earthquake was not on our fault line, the New Madrid, but instead along a fault in Illinois. The 5.2 magnitude quake was strong enough to feel even in Louisville, though it caused no meaningful damage here.

Now, Big Geology has its own "theory" of earthquakes - that they are primarily caused by "ruptures along geological faults". What Big Geology doesn't want you to know, however, is that there's a dissenting paradigm - the KO, or Kaiju Origin model. The KO model states that earthquakes are actually caused by gigantic monsters moving underground. These creatures live deep in the earth and never surface anywhere near humans, and their daily habits and biology make them capable of completely eluding any and all human detection except through the earthquakes that they generate as they burrow through unstable parts of the earth's crust near the various contact points along tectonic plates.

The actual origin of these creatures is unimportant. KO theorists are solely interested in the evidence of their activity - that is to say earthquakes. Now, it doesn't matter that earthquakes occur in varying locations and are of varying intensities, because the subterranean monsters exists all over the world and are of wildly disparate sizes. Likewise, the fact that earthquakes occur most often on either fault lines or near active volcanoes is merely subject to interpretation - kaiju, after all, are said to favor such locations as these.

I mean come on. Fault lines? YAWN. That's all a misinterpretation by Big Geology based on trying to shoehorn earthquake evidence to fit into their non-kaiju worldview. After all, why wouldn't kaiju be active near fault lines? Clearly they aren't ready to make their existence obvious to non-believing humans. Big Geology sees earthquakes happening at fault lines and stops looking looking for other causes, like kaiju, because Big Geology is rife with methodological anti-kaijuism.

Now of course, all of this evidence could be interpreted differently. After all, no one has ever gone underground and watched an earthquake as it occurred. Big Geology, of course, is led to its own conclusions by adhering to a metaphysic that excludes the existence of giant monsters as prominent actors in geological activities. Those of us who subscribe to the KO metaphysic, of course, will interpret this evidence differently. The cause of earthquakes is thus ultimately therefore a matter of philosophy.

Sound plausible? I hope not. To quote Hume, metaphysics contains "nothing but sophistry and illusion".