Sunday, May 17, 2009

Hoagland's Heroes

Chances are that if you've ever listened to Coast to Coast AM or any watched any History Channel shows about aliens you've run into Richard Hoagland. He's best known to the public as the fellow who's always going on about the "face on Mars", but his repertoire is rather more widespread than that. You see, Hoagland has a superpower: When a mortal man looks at grainy old photos from 30 year-old NASA moon missions he just sees a picture of the moon; If Richard Hoagland looks at the same photo, he sees cosmodromes, dead aliens, the severed heads of robots, and the Moon Kingdom from Sailor Moon.

My favorite part about Hoagland, and the "space photo-analyst" species of conspiracy theorist in general, is that he obviously isn't taking his own pictures of the surface of the moon or Mars. He's just looking at NASA pictures that have already been analyzed, touched up, etc. and that were then released to the general public. Does he honestly think that NASA (or rather the evil version of NASA that he imagines to exist) accidentally released a bunch of photographs of secret moon towers and alien artifacts? Apparently so.

Hoagland's "theories" have already been flogged to death repeatedly over the years by better folks than myself. I bring this up only because I stumbled upon a copy of Hoagland's 2007 book Dark Mission: The Secret History of NASA while looking through the Science section at my local bookstore yesterday. A quick shuffle through the pages convinced me that I just couldn't pass it up. In it we "learn" that NASA, which Hoagland appears at this point to be claiming is run by sorcerors, has managed to conceal photographic evidence of alien civilizations in our solar system so perfectly that only the mighty and learned Richard Hoagland has managed to see through their foul web of obfuscations. We also learn that NASA and its shadowy masters may have assassinated JFK to foil his attempts to cooperate with the Russians in regard to the space program.* Oh, and apparently because Apollo 16 landed on the moon on the 20th of April it's secretly tied by crazy occult mysticism to Adolf Hitler's birthday? (That bit is really italicized in the book.)

Needless to say I couldn't catch sight of a pile of woo this big and steaming without putting on my gloves and digging in. Even as I type this post the book is speeding to me by way of Amazon. In a couple of weeks I'm going on vacation to the wild hinterlands that are rural Pennsylvania, and while I'm there I'm going to type up a full review. Bet you can't wait...

*Nevermind for a moment that the U.S. and Soviet space programs at the time were in no small part big dick contests during which each side was trying to show the other that it possessed superior ballistic missile technology. Seriously, does every so-called conspiracy have to go back to the JFK assassination?

1 comment:

Jay said...

Skippy -

You forget that the Kennedy family is closely connected to the Templars and the Illuminati, as well as the Trilateral Commission. Of course all the conspiracies are tied back to JFK's assassination.

I'm surprised I even had to remind you of that...